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Exhibitions
Exhibitions
Mani(a)c
Mani(a)c
Site specific art installation at:
ArtsWorcester
44 Portland Ave.
Worcester MA
Sept 9-Oct 8
Opening reception: Friday September 16th 6-9
I am honored to be a part of ArtsWorcester's brand spankin' new "project spaces." For this exhibit I created a site specific installation which is meant to look like my studio. The point isn’t to show the best of my work, or the worst. Just everything as it is. I wanted to give the viewer an opportunity to look inside my world. To see what it is like to be a creator living with my condition. Much of society views people like me as dangerous or incapable. I want to change that.
The overwhelming majority of people in art and entertainment industries portray mental illness from the outside. As a result we are almost always confronted with art the further stigmatizes mental illness. The schizophrenic in the movie is almost always portrayed as the serial killer. We are de-huamnized, perpetuating the idea that we are dangerous monsters meant to be numbed and shut away. We live in a world that likes to comfort itself by sorting us into neat little boxes. To quote artist, activist, and educator Ceasar A. Cruz “Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.”
This art installment brings to life hallucinations, paranoia, sleep disorders, and things experienced during manic states. My goal is to pull the viewer into the mind of someone society would consider a “maniac.” By appealing to different senses through mixed-media, sound, light, images, and texture I give the audience an experience that is raw and honest.
How does one try to put order to chaos? How does a “maniac” collect their thoughts? How to we present ourselves in a way that is absolute when our existence feels so abstract? How do we express ourselves when answering the performative “hi, how are you” with anything other than “fine” feels burdensome? How do we begin? By creating a narrative that is at times uncomfortable but necessary.
I brought this installation to life because I wanted to share not only my experiences with the positive and negative symptoms of my condition but also the complex and painstaking process of trying to understand and cope.
Hallucinations are considered a “positive symptom” associated with psychosis, conditions on the schizophrenia spectrum, and other related mental conditions.
Positive symptoms are things that are added to a person’s experience, such as hallucinations. Negative symptoms are things that are reduced, or are taken away from a person, such as isolating or difficulty speaking.
There are 5 types of hallucinations:
Visual (seeing) I see a cat but there is no cat
Auditory (Hearing) I hear a cat but there is no cat
Tactile (Feeling) I feel a cat brushing up against my leg but there is no cat
Olfactory (Smelling) I smell a cat but there is no cat
Gustatory (Tasting) I’m pretty sure this food was made of or by cats and I can not eat it because it’s contaminated
There you have the five basic cats of hallucination. There are other branches of hallucinations and conditions associated with each. Also worth mentioning are hypnogogic hallucinations, which happen between wakefulness and sleep. Usually these hallucinations occur during sleep paralysis. These types of hallucinations are much more common and do not require the presence of schizophrenia or other psychosis.
The Dark Conscious
The Dark Conscious
A video created as part of the ArtsWorcester exhibit:
I wanted to show people what it is like to live with hallucinations and I thought, what better way to do that than with Shadow Puppets!?
The themes of exploring the shadow-self and the dark conscious comes from Carl Jung. In one of his dreams he went down a set of stairs (which reminds me of certain spiritual out of body practices) and he explored different 'parts' of himself. Of course he told the dream to Freud who told Jung he had the dream because he wished Freud was his dad or some weird shit. Not everything is about YOU, Freud.
Flora and Fuma
Flora and Fuma
A series of floral studies exploring our relationship to the natural world through the use of different materials and concepts.
Self-Portraits
Self-Portraits
Self-Portrait of an Artist
Self-Portrait of an Artist
A monochromatic watercolor painting portraying the angst of an artist experiencing manic dysphoria. Inspired by Picasso's blue period and Van Gogh's self-mutilation.
Medium; Watercolor on 300 lb hot press
The Wretch I had Created: To be looked at upside down and sideways on a Tuesday when it's Raining
The Wretch I had Created: To be looked at upside down and sideways on a Tuesday when it's Raining
The eyes are often the most important part of a self-portrait. We recognize each other and empathize through eye contact. Through the eyes we show vulnerability or materialize emotion. They establish intent as they seem to follow you around a room.
I created this self-portrait entirely during manic states. I wanted to give the viewer a glimpse of what it is like to experience and create during a manic episode. During mixed or dysphoric mania, it is common for the pupils of the eyes to widen, making them appear almost black. The lack of detail and reflection of light deviates from what traditional portraitists value most. It creates a void that seems to stare back at you.
I think we create self-portraits (or any art) as a way to deal with our mortality. Our desire to recapture those meaningful yet fleeting moments speaks of our longing to exist through narrative long after we have gone or that moment has passed.
Oil & mixed media on canvas
Isolated Flamingo Incident
Isolated Flamingo Incident
The Isolated Flamimgo Incident
On freehand checkerboard with weird human-claw manicure
Made with culture hustle potion pack and the pinkest pink
Medium : Scented Acrylic
16X40 Canvas unframed
FOR SALE
Giclee prints coming soon!
Figure Studies
Figure Studies
Bodegas and Roses
Bodegas and Roses
My continued exploration of female roles in spiritual narrative and mythology comes to life with vivid color in my portrayal of this matriarchal figure. As an artist and storyteller, interplay of adaptation and rebellion, the old and the new, often find a home in my work. The relationship between Christian conquest, The virgin of Guadalupe, the deity Tonantzin, and how this relates to the universal idea of the mother goddess is the central theme for this piece. I made the abstract bodegas in the background using layers of chalk pastels, chalk seeming like an appropriate medium for a city scape. The crude design and materials used is meant to feel very much like what most people would refer to as ‘outsider art,’ or art that exists beyond the realm of the elite.
Medium : Oil paint and chalk pastel
30X48 on wood panel
You can watch a video explanation below to learn more :
FOR SALE
Giclee prints coming soon!
Imposter Syndrome
Imposter Syndrome
There were a lot of things that inspired this piece, such as:
-The movie All That Jazz
-Imposter syndrome
-clowns
-Ferlinghetti
-Singing in the rain
Medium : watercolor, ink, chalk and pastels
(one of my paintbrush free pieces)
FOR SALE
Metamorphosos
Metamorphosos
This piece is concerning the loss of cultural identity
For a full video explanation of the piece click here :
Medium : Oil paint and ink
24X48 on canvas
FOR SALE
Deb's Playthings
Deb's Playthings
A custom shadowbox I made for one of my Patreon supporters.
M.D.
M.D.
This piece is meant to highlight medical colonialism and to question the past/current standards of practice; Outsourcing of experimental trials of U.S. bound drugs to foreign countries, where they exploit impoverished areas of the world ; Private research and for-profit companies selling their ethical review services to the highest bidder ; The more money you have, the more brown people you can get away with killing.
Take one dose of reality. Wash down with liberal amount of civil disobedience.
DO NOT TAKE IF FRAGILE OR EASILY UPSET
CONSULT DOCTOR IF YOUR WHITE PRIVILEGE HAS RENDERED YOU INCAPABLE OF PROCESSING OR RETAINING FACTS
Medium : Oil on Canvas
FOR SALE
Chlamydia Fish
Chlamydia Fish
From a series I started, concerning the oceans, water, and our relationships with those things.
Overfishing is destroying the delicate ecosystems in our oceans. Most of our oxygen comes from the ocean. All of the life on this planet is fiercely dependent on our oceans. If our oceans die, we die. Our oceans are dying. Probably at a faster rate than you think.
Most fisheries are cages in the ocean, which are terrible for the ecosystem and the fish you eat. The fish have hosts of diseases, including chlamydia, and are so grotesque you would never consider eating them if you saw the condition they lived in/what they looked like. Their grey and green sick flesh is dyed pink to make you think it looks ‘normal’ and healthy.
More than half of the plastic pollution in the ocean come from the fishing industry. The save-the-ocean-anti-plastic companies focus on how we can, as individuals, contribute less to plastic pollution. None of them talk about the fishing industry because that’s where the bulk of their donations come from. It’s a cover up. They just tell you not to use plastic spoons. It placates the public into thinking we can take control as individuals while they are making dirty back door deals.
There is no such thing as dolphin safe, fair trade or sustainable. Those are labels they pay to put on their products in the hopes that you will blindly consume. There is still by catch. There are still slaves. Ecosystems on our planet are collapsing. They still deal in illegal, non-sustainable exploitative activities. Don’t let those labels fool you.
Native human populations in overfished areas are starving because they can not get food. Their waters are overfished to the point of starvation. Their livelihood has become increasingly dangerous. It is easier to exploit and enslave these people. Some turn to crime and piracy. A lot of the fishing industry exploits labor. Slavery is still a big part of the fishing industry.
No one is regulating this shit. Governments say they are. That’s a lie. Oceans are big. People get bribed. No one checks up. It is very dangerous to speak out against the fishing industry. They don’t want you to know. Now you know.
What can we do? Consume less fish. Be a wiser consumer. Be more self-sustaining. Stop breeding. The world is overpopulated and we are too destructive of a species to keep growing and consuming the way we are. If you do breed, consider the world your children will one day be living in. Raise them to be aware. Raise them to do better.
Medium : Watercolor and mica on paper (You can't see how pretty the mica looks in the photo!)
Will be up for sale as soon as it is framed
Thessalonike
Thessalonike
The mermaid of Greek legend Thessalonike.
The legend states that Alexander, in his quest for the Fountain of Immortality, retrieved with great exertion a flask of immortal water with which he bathed his sister's (Thessalonike's) hair. When Alexander died, his grief-stricken sister attempted to end her life by jumping into the sea. Instead of drowning, however, she became a mermaid passing judgment on mariners throughout the centuries and across the seven seas. To the sailors who encountered her she would always pose the same question: "Is Alexander the king alive?" , to which the correct answer would be "He lives and reigns and conquers the world" Given this answer she would allow the ship and her crew to sail safely away in calm seas. Any other answer would transform her into the raging Gorgon, bent on sending the ship and every sailor on board to the bottom.
Medium : Pastel, ink acrylic, epoxy and broken glass
24X18 on canvas
FOR SALE
The Devil and The Fool Make an Omlette
The Devil and The Fool Make an Omlette
From my series, Here's Lookin at YOU Freud
Surrealism meets personality
The ID
Inspired by eggs and the tarot
Medium : Oil
24X48 on canvas
FOR SALE
Trusty ol' lute legs!
Trusty ol' lute legs!
Here’s Lookin' at YOU, Freud - Trusty Ol’ Lute Legs
🥚 🎠
This is the Ego :
“The ego is like a man on horseback, who has to hold in check the superior strength of the horse.” -Freud
⬛️♥️⬜️♦️⬛️🦋⬜️
Heres Lookin at YOU Freud is aseries of visual explorations of the three aspects of the human psyche
They all involve eggs….
Each piece was inspired by visual elements of two tarot cards.
Also inspired by happenings in the lives of Nark and Sapling ; After a long day of recording, Sapling ran into Nark at a local bar. They pointed out that the three of us together made really good representations of the individual aspects of the human psyche. Collectively we are a whole personality. Can you guess which personality trait I represent?
FOR SALE
Played Like A Fiddle
Played Like A Fiddle
Case AT Type 410 - The Rape of the Sleeping Beauty in the Briar Rose
Case AT Type 410 - The Rape of the Sleeping Beauty in the Briar Rose
Part of my series
Drunk in a Toy Store and Out of Tampons with Aarne Thompson and Kurt Cobain
Mixed Media shadowbox on bed frame
36X36
FOR SALE
The Rebirth of Venus
The Rebirth of Venus
Medium : Acrylic and Oil
24X48 on canvas
FOR SALE
Mirror Mask
Mirror Mask
This painting is based off a strange and under-appreciated Neil Gaiman coming of age movie - Mirror Mask. The movie is about a young girl who lives and performs in her parents circus. She escapes/gets trapped in the surreal fantasy world she created with her drawings.
Medium : Acrylic, ink and milk paint on canvas 24X30 on canvas
Columbia in Agony
Columbia in Agony
We Want You
We Want You
A piece I 'sold' that I NEVER got payment for!
Medium : acrylic paint and Worcester Telegram & Gazette collage from the 1920's
Uncle Sams Queer Grandkid
Uncle Sams Queer Grandkid
The High Priestess
The High Priestess